Friday, January 19, 2007

Marine Moms Handbook: Part I

During our Marine Moms lunch Monday (I can call it that because none of the dads were there this time), we decided that it would have been so nice if there was some sort of Marine Mom Handbook that you got when your son or daughter went off to bootcamp. The recruiters do give you a "parent's guide", but it doesn't have the REAL stuff in it that we moms want to know.

There's lots to cover so I'll start with Chapter 1: Common MMMs (Marine Mom Myths)

MMM #1. We'll save money on hot water, laundry detergent, car insurance, and FOOD!

Sorry ladies! Here's the reality:

More money on laundry when he's home because he brings everything dirty and those socks have to be washed multiple times to get that SMELL out!

More money on socks, because you want him to have the special high-tech ones so that he doesn't get blisters.

More money on gas when he's home because he always has the car.

More money on travelling expenses to and from where your Marine is stationed.

More money on food sending care packages because you know he's going to share with his buddies (plus all the chapstick, batteries, and other goodies to include in the boxes).

Then there are all those additional expenses:
New wardrobe of "My son is a Marine" t-shirts
Yarn so Mom can knit helmet liners
Marine fabric for quilts and blankets
Lunch and coffee with the Lubbock Marine Parents
Cost of wear and tear on the carpet as you pace back and forth and worry.
Cost of calling in sick to work after pulling an all-nighter chatting with other Marine moms.

But of course, being able to call your son or daughter Marine: PRICELESS

MMM #2 He'll keep his room clean when he comes home from bootcamp.

As soon as he walks in the door, his seabag will EXPLODE all over his room, and it will smell even worse. Do they not even wash those cammies the entire 13 weeks of bootcamp? And don't even let him bring those "go-fasters" into the house. Trust me. They should stay in the garage or better yet, in the dumpster. His civvies will be crumpled up all over the floor, but his uniform will be pristine in the closet. You will continue to find the little green elastic things that he blouses his boots with for months after he leaves. He will tell you that you don't know how to make a bed. Does it really matter if the bed is made if you can't even see the carpet in the room? You may also be told that you don't know how to iron like they were taught in bootcamp. "Honey, Mom didn't go to bootcamp..."

MMM #3 I'll be able to watch all the "Chick Flicks" I want.

You'll be watching "Ears Open, Eyeballs Click" on the documentary channel, "Mail Call" on the History Channel, the military channel, and Fox News.

Coming up next: Marine mom rights

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