Marine Corps Training Aids

From the Broadside Blog

Title It!

Be sure to head over to Gunz Up and play the Title It! game. This time it's a picture that I submitted that my oldest son took in Iraq.

Everyone is invited, encouraged and ramrod-ed into playing if at all possible.

Deadline is Wednesday, Jan. 15, 2008 at 8:00 PM CST

ONE Title submission only.

CHRONIC MARINE SYNDROME

This came from a Marine mom friend. It's great!

Please make the Marines in your life aware of this very potentially dangerous disease


CHRONIC MARINE SYNDROME

In response to the person who talked about Marine Disease; I've discovered another condition; it's called Chronic Marine Syndrome (CMS). This condition affects men and women of all ages.

Symptoms to look for are:

1. Pride in oneself and the organization they represent.
2. A strong willingness to put in extra attention to detail to get the job done.
3. May wear articles of Marine clothing; T-shirts, jackets, watches, well into their 80's.
4. Will not hesitate to stand up or put their hand over their heart, or even salute when the National Anthem is played.
5. Does not succumb easily to political correctness.
6. Is sure of who they are.
7. Is often either respected or hated by others, due to their abilities and talents.
8. May donate toys to needy kids at Christmas.
9. Some have been known to wear their hair in a high and tight well into their 90's.
10. Will look you in the eye when talking to you.
11. Will give you a firm handshake.
12. Knows what honor, courage and commitment mean.
13. Can usually be found in some type of leadership position in whatever organization they work for.
14. Will often regard their drill instructors with the same respect as their parents.
15 Often found in either law enforcement or various professions.
16 Is extremely thorough at what they do.
17 Does not wear a bunch of patches to adorn their uniform. Their title of Marine is often sufficient.
18 Often arrives at work earlier than expected. If they wear a shirt and tie in their job, you might see the tie clip. between the third and fourth button centered.
19 Had spent time training at one of two places; Parris Island or San Diego.
20 May be able to field strip their rifle, up to 60 years after leaving active duty.
21 Can recite the nomenclature of the M1, M14 or M16.
22 May often have his pencils sharpened to a perfect precision point.
23 Will not back down from a fight.

Other symptoms include willingness to take on a challenge and maintaining a positive attitude in the face of adversity.

Yes, CMS is real, and very hard to treat. The person with this condition often utters phrases such as Once a Marine always a Marine, or OooooRah. Some may even say Semper Fi on many occasions. It is best if you know someone with this condition to just leave them be. These people tend to be fiercely loyal to the Marine Corps.

Folks, this condition, although not curable can be treated. Some successful treatments have included;

1. Frequent visits to the base where the last served or looking at their Marine memorabilia

2. Get them around other Marines to help them flourish. They need other Marines who have shared the same experiences.

3. Have them get memberships in organizations such as the Marine Corps League, The Marine Corps Association, Together We Served, The Woman Marine Association or have them join Leatherneck.com.

4. Some may require extra special attention such as buying items from grunt.com or watching movies about the Marine Corps, this is only natural and nothing to be afraid of.

Whatever you do, remember that Chronic Marine Syndrome must be managed carefully. For example: In Michigan, a young man attempted to mug a Marine Korean War veteran who had advanced stages of chronic Marine Syndrome. It wasn't pretty! The mugger was severely beaten and required multiple stitches.

Remember folks, Chronic Marine Syndrome is real, while there may not be a cure, we can live with it.

Any questions, please see your local Marine. or go to 1-800-IMA-Marine for more information.

Thank you for your time.

Warning: Risks of Chronic Marine Syndrome may include a severe a** whuppin' to those who attempt to start a fight with Marines. Remember not everyone gets this condition; onset often occurs after being given the title Marine, since a select few earn this title, not everyone will develop CMS.

Be careful who you scare on Halloween!

Why the US Navy is better than the Iraqi Navy

US Navy

Iraqi Navy

From our friend Larry at Gathering of Eagles Texas.

A Model Falling Down Has Never Been So Funny

I really needed a laugh today and I got one from this video. The newscasters make it hilarious.

Army Strong

Found at Broadside Cartoons

My Name in Images

This is one of those fun things on the internet that is a complete waste of time, but is just irresistible.

Spell your name here

Funny Friday

A soldier, a sailor, an airman, and a Marine get into an argument about which armed service is the best. The argument gets so heated that they fail to see an on-coming truck. They are hit and killed instantly. When they arrive in heaven, they see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. So they decide he can settle their argument. They walk up and ask him, "Saint Peter, what Military Service is the best?" He thinks for a moment, then says, "Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you. But I'll tell you what, I'll talk to God next time I see Him, and I'll find out for you. In the mean time, welcome to heaven." So they enter. Later, they see Saint Peter walking around, and they ask him about their question. But before Saint Peter can say anything, trumpets blare, a bright light shines, and a white dove flies out of the light with an envelope in it's beak. Saint Peter says, "Ah, here's the answer from the Boss." He takes the letter, and the dove flies off. He opens it, trumpets play, gold dust flies up, and Saint Peter reads aloud:

FROM THE DESK OF GOD

TO: SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN, AND MARINES

RE: WHICH SERVICE IS BEST.

Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines;
All branches of the United States Armed forces are truly honorable.
One should take pride in serving with the Military. You are all
well-trained men, all capable of pulling off your job exceedingly well.
Therefore, there is no superior service.

Sincerely,
God
USMC (Ret.)

Oaths of Enlistment

'Defending America', Branches of Service
You know we love ALL our military. We also love how they make fun of each other (all in the spirit of brotherhood of course). These came from a Marine dad, so don't blame me! ;) I'm sharing them with you, but I didn't write them.

US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new found "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. I understand that at least twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, and receive no thanks or notice from the public. I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.! I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD.

Military Moms

Blondiebee made this for us. Isn't it cute?

This is Why They're Hot!

Click on the link or copy and paste this into your browser.
http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=147877&ESRC=marine-a.nl

I love watching what the guys come up with when they are bored and have "nothing" to do (and I do use the term nothing to do lightly as I have found that just because my Marine tells me he is bored and has nothing to do does not mean the same as when I say I'm bored and have nothing to do.) This answers any questions I have about why our military is so "hot"!

Enjoy!

The Marine Version of Touchy-Feely

Found at the Broadside Blog.

Omazing Grace

This is a hilarious rendition of Amazing Grace. I didn't know anyone could sing it in quite this way. Keep watching to the end. It gets even funnier.

United States Marine Drum & Bugle Corps goes cellular

They’re everywhere…..cell phones that is. All the ring-a-ling and ding-a-ling around every corner and I’m sorry, most of the ringtones that the cell phones initially come with are on the very last nerve of annoying. I myself have downloaded some great tunes onto mine from my carrier’s webpage; the “Marine Corps Hymn” for most calls and my son gets his own ringtone of “Semper Fidelis”.

But now, just about everyone can get a great Marine tune. The Commandant's Own, The United States Marine Drum & Bugle Corps, now has ringtones. As the first in the U.S. Armed Forces to offer cell phone ringtones, the Drum & Bugle Corps have recorded a diverse mixture of public domain music, to include drum cadences, bugle calls, marches, and their most notable stylings in jazz.

These are MP3 tones that can be downloaded from any personal computer, and they have several tones to choose from. Now not all cell phones are able to download MP3 files, but you may know someone who can.

Check out the website of "The Commandant's Own" at http://drumcorps.mbw.usmc.mil and just click on ‘Ringtones’ in the left menu box.

Irish Humor

I could use a laugh, so I thought the rest of you might like one too. Here's a little Irish humor for you.

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.
"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"
O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians".
Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken!"

Marine Vs Cactus

There's some language, so you might want to turn down the sound if you are at work or little ears are listening. :)
Part I



Part II



Owww!!! Doesn't that look awful? Poor guy!

Found the videos at VA Joe's

Marine Poster

Does that answer your question?

Navy Pilots making fun of Marines

This video was made by Navy pilots to make fun of Marines. Personally, I thought it was a little mean, but my son was the one who told me about it and he thought it was hilarious. I guess Marines love to laugh, even if they are laughing at themselves.



For De'on, and others who have a hard time viewing videos here's a little synopsis. The video claims to be a "Typical day in the life of a K-Bay Marine". It shows a Marine waking up (from sleeping at attention on top of his bed of course) and kissing his bedside framed photo of Chesty Puller. Then he goes through his daily checklist, which includes things like "80s polo shirt, aviator glasses, 30 minutes of flexing, morning Oorahs, daily haircut (given by a blind man), daily visit to tattoo parlor (where he gets USMC across his forehead), and daily visit to pawn shop. Oh, and oversize truck is checked off too. That part is true. ;) It then shows his counseling session where he is in trouble for things like not enough tattoos and having only 18 brain cells, where the Marine Corps average is 28. All the Marines seem to be able to say to each other is "yut, yut, oorah, semper fi, devil dog". Now here's the really mean part... The Marine is shown at a bar where the girl he is trying to pick up slaps him and leaves with a Navy pilot, he gets drunk and leaves with a "girl" he finds out later is really a man. He then checks off "get drunk and loose a fight", and "embarrassing drunk story". See what I mean?

Texans are friendly

Greetings from Lubbock, Texas
The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4 They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money
to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes
north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton
strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

8 Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless
of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you
eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come
for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So
don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. My son says that half the Marine Corps comes from Texas.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers! Refer back to #1!