I love Texas!

I love being a Texan! If you ask me, there is not a better place on the planet. I don't think I could stand to move away from my favorite Tex-Mex cuisine. My sons in North Carolina say that's what they miss the most. My #2 son is coming home for July the 4th and he has a list as long as my arm of all the Mexican food he wants to eat. He and one of his Marine friends from up North somewhere went to a Mexican food place there in NC and he said the menu actually had explanations of what each item was next to it's listing. His friend had never heard of any of it. The poor deprived thing... What kind of a childhood must it have been not to know what enchiladas, tamales and chili rellenos are. I feel so sorry for him. Oh, and by the way, my son said the food was awful and not in the least spicy. They seem to think a little sprinkle of chili powder on something makes it spicy. He said they don't know how to do BBQ in NC either. I'm going to have to make him some brisket while he's home.

I also love the way we talk in Texas. The older folks especially have some of the best sayings. I was standing in line to check out at the grocery store one day and there was a man around 70 in line in front of me. The checker asked him how he was doing and he said "If I was any better I'd be twins." I've found some more good sayings for you. Yes, we really do talk this way!


The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving
Not overly-intelligent

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party
(self-explanatory)

Tighter than bark on a tree
Not very generous

Big hat, no cattle
All talk and no action

We've howdied but we ain't shook yet
We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced

He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow
He has a pretty high opinion of himself

She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth
That woman can talk

It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs
We really could use a little rain around here

Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly
Appearances can be deceptive.

This ain't my first rodeo
I've been around awhile

He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch
Not the most handsome of men

They ate supper before they said grace
Living in sin

Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope
Stop arguing and do as you're told

As full of wind as a corn-eating horse
Rather prone to boasting

You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make em biscuits
You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is

That's a fur piece.
It'll take you awhile to get there

Don't worry 'bout the mule son, just load the wagon
just do your part and I'll do mine

Don't call him a cowboy, till you've seen him ride
Don't judge a book by its cover

She's been rode hard and put away wet
refers to an unattractive, hard-looking woman

toad choker
a heavy rain

frog strangler
also a heavy rain

finer than frog hair
use anywhere you might use the word "fine"

rarer than hen's teeth
pretty darn rare

tump
to spill, as in "I jes' tumped over mah beer"

coke
Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Sprite, Mountain Dew, Big Red, etc.

Exclamations...

"Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."


Threats...


"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be
outta style when you stop rollin'."(love this one!!)

"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things/Compliments...


"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have
to hire someone to help me enjoy it." "Gooder than grits."


The Weather...


"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot "


Descriptions...

A bothersome person is "like a booger that
you can't thump off."


When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
He ran "like his feet was on fire and his ass was a-catchin"
A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat
covering crap on a marble floor."


Insults...
"She's uglier than homemade soap."


"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit
every branch on the way down." "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

(any insulting statement is always followed by
"bless his/her heart)


Just some sayings:

"He's slower then the 7 year itch!"

"Hotter than a two dollar pistol"

"Ain't no two ways 'bout it!"

"Madder than a ole wet hen"

"Don't be a puttin all yer eggs in one baskit!"

"Ain't seen that in a coons' age!"

"I ain't uh gonna do it!"

"You don't won't me to hawg tie ya do ya?"

"Plum wore out!"

"Be all over you like stink on a skunk!"

"I reckon"

"I'm fixin to go!"

"you on't to?" (meaning you want to?)

"Well if that don't beat all I ever seen
in all my born days, I don't know what would!"

"Oh my word!" "Oh my stars!"

"Colder than my mother-in-laws heart"

"My mother-in-laws' so ugly,
she'd make a freight train jump track"